Guest Column: Home Country: Clearin’ da cat box

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“Tell you kids what,” he said, sitting down and cutting off their escape route, “there’s more to lifetimin’ than jest gettin’ married, makin’ a buncha money and bein’ a success. Yessir.”

The kids had made the mistake of leaving the ice cream parlor by the side door instead of the front door, you see, and before they had a chance to yell “Incoming!” why … there he was … Windy Wilson. Some folks, you see, can’t live without food and water. Windy can’t live without an audience.

“I knowed that there look on your faces when you heard me say that, yes I did. And you was thinkin’ solemnly to yourselves ‘Why’s Alphonse Wilson sayin’ stoopid stuff like that there?’ Well, why have a happy, successful life if there ain’t no fun innit? Tell me that?

“Back a ways, afore you was born, there was a old timer named Jenkins lived up in the hills outa here. Oh, you heard a him? Sure you have. Know why? Cuz Jenkins was NOT married or rich or successful. But he shore as sugar had fun. Made hisself a legendary, histerical figurehead ‘round here, too.

“Yessir, Ol’ Jenkins used to come into town and catch up stray cats, one at a time. Bought him some cat treats, you know. And then he taken the cat doo jury and’d teach it to jump.

“Saw him do it more’n oncet, too. He’d sit that ol’ cat against his shins, like this, and hold his hands in front of the cat, and that there cat’d have to jump over his hands to get away. Then he’d give ‘em a cat treat. And each time he come to town, he’d make ‘em jump higher afore they got their treat.

“Afore you knowed what was straight up, we had us a town plumb fulla jumpin’ cats. And they liked it, too. So the morale of this here story is, instead of just doin’ what you’re supposed to, think about doin’ somethin’ fun, too. Kinda puts the cherry on the whole brou-ha-ha, don’t ya see.”

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